STEPPING OUT OF ABUSE


It’s never pretty when you leave an abusive and controlling relationship. The warden always protests when the prison gets shut-down.

Steve Maraboli

Abusers would use you and replace you instantly without a conscience, being preoccupied with fantasies, lack of empathy and in need of admiration, Abusers come in many personality types, they pick their victims torture them, then play the helpless victim. Predators are brilliant at playing the victim but they cannot fool everyone. It is all a big game and something you don’t want to be a part of. Although having an unrealistic sense of superiority and a big appetite for more, they would try to include you out of desperation for their need of supplies. Accept with gratitude that their part in your story is over. You have absolutely no need for an abuser, no need to even respond to one just “keep moving on”.

They love projecting and are extremely good at coating lies, sending mixed messages and pretending. All the drama will be a waste of time, you cannot afford to keep a relationship with a deceptive character and the unfortunate truth is the person you are hoping for does not exist.

Predators cannot co-parent and would do every thing to portray you as a bad parent, even when they were never in the life of their children. I thank God my children are now adults. It is a little too late.

It is disturbing to deal with someone who has no conscience, who is capable of committing treacherous acts and is able to behave like everything is completely cool while behind closed doors, plots are set in motion using the muscle of organisations to parade conflicting stories to continue the cycle of use and dump. Forget about feeling sorry for yourself; now is the time to stand strong and move on with your life.

Take a stand to have value and respect for your self. Someone who has enjoyed neglecting, replacing, using, mistreating or disrespecting you, ignored your feelings and decisions for years or decades is not worth your time any longer. You will be amazed at how life changing the steady flow of peace would restore your heart when you make that decision to leave a toxic relationship.

Abuse affects your self-esteem however you can build your confidence back by empowering and loving yourself. When you love yourself and walk away from abuse, you would regain peace, joy, strength and a good quality of life irrespective of tantrums covered with deception pulled by the abuser. The relationship if there was ever any was too toxic to survive without the power of God to protect you.

I believe the best service to the child is the service closest to the child, and children who are victims of neglect, abuse, or abandonment must not also be victims of bureaucracy. They deserve our devoted attention, not our divided attention.

Kunny Guinn

Comments

O
olatunji
Thank you for this, it's simply treating others the same way one wishes to be treated. Liberty entails love and mutual respect and the premium one placed on human lives. May the lord guide us.
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Otega
Thank you for this platform. Indeed we must address abuse in churches, not just Catholic Church. Why are the leading wives turning the other cheek while their husbands abuse young ladies. A Pastor touches a member inappropriately and is hailed as anointed. Girls are made to labour in the sun in the name of soul winning. Can parents please watch their daughters in these churches.
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Jatahudson
Why do Christians speak of love yet abuse each other. The sexual harassment in churches by Pastoes, young ladies fondled and mangled for life. Till there is justice for these harassed women in the church, we can't speak of building a happier world with love.
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RuthM
This is so true.Being a victim of abuse myself was married to a monster who I ended up divorcing in 2011.He was abusive emotional,verbally,financially and physically he will even go to an extent of sleeping with me by force which ended up in me conceiving 3 of the four children because,he will even go unto an extent of throwing away my contraceptive pills.I hated myself every time I slept with him.He then started to bring his girlfriends whom he will also assault me with them. They will sleep in my bed even during my presence.I have divorced him but still he is after my peace.As we speak he went and open a case for me in court and influence the 3 of my four kids with him.That when social workers ask them if they want to stay with me or not.Kids listened to him and said they want to go with him.How on earth can a drunkard and a fornicate can stay with kids of under 18 and who are girls.As I speak kids were now taken away from Him to a place of safety.Because they find him unfit to be a parent now he has destroyed my character as I am not a responsible mother.I raised those kids alone while he was busy galavating with different women and he even moved put of the house we used to share.I filed for divorce.As O speak he has been suspended from work due to sexual harassment case most women are coming out against him.Now he saw that am at peace living with my children now he want to make my life miserable.I am a child of God and I don't deserve all this nonsense he is creating for me.Next week Thursday am appear g to court all because of his wickedness. I have tried to move on with my life.Now he come back to mess up my life.He does not have dis inline and order in his life.I wish God's judgement to be upon him.I have suffered enough in the hands of this evil man.
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darey olushina
my question really is, why did it take you so long to come out of the abuse and especially the fact that alot of things are made up like false miracles and the rest, people falling under fake anointing when infact they are all being part of the con artist game, i really would love to have your take on this, i suspect this will not be approved to go live on blog, but can you kindly reply my email, love you much pastor anita, thnaks
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Nicki
Wow, so aptly described Pastor Anita, thank you. I was in a similar situation until God opened my eyes to show me the truth that....."it is not my fault". Some people enjoy displaying narcissistic personalities & I don't have to live with them & be a victim. I chose to get out & get divorced, but it took me six years to get out (I'm not proud of it). Such environment are not conducive to raise Children as they may grow up, thinking that it's okay to behave as such to others. I have zero regret about my divorce & wonder why it took me so long to realise the truth & get this person out of my life. I have regained my peace, joy, strength and a good quality of life. My Children are happier now too, as I'm a better Mother to them. I thank God everyday for saving us from that hellish situation & for giving me the strength to walk away. By sharing my story, I hope this helps someone today. Please understand that you cannot change anybody. The only person you can change is yourself. You are somebody, a child of the most high God. Your life & health matters. You are important. You are somebody. Your opinion matters. You deserve respect. Yes, you may make mistakes, but who doesn't, isn't that part of why Jesus died to save us all, then gave us the Holy Ghost to continue to help us? You are perfection in progress, please do not let anyone put you down again. You are worth Christ dying on the cross for. You are worth it! When you have peace of mind, you'll become wiser at managing whatever income you have & you'll do it quietly & peacefully, no drama. Before long, you'll realise that you're missing nothing & living better & healthier than before.
Thank you Pastor Anita for providing this opportunity to us. May God continue to bless and prosper you in Jesus name, amen!
A
Akin O
Hmmm interesting revelations. May God Almighty help us to see and walk away from abuse and abusers
C
Clarrissa
Is this from experience?
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Mobola King
Wow! Absolutely spot on!
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Noreen
In response to Darey Olushina

Manipulation: Generally, manipulation is indirect influence on someone to behave in a way that furthers the goals of the manipulator. Often, it expresses covert aggression. Think of a “wolf in sheep’s clothing.” On the surface, the words seem harmless – even complimentary; but underneath you feel demeaned or sense a hostile intent.
Read about narcissistic abuse.
God bless
P
Prophetess Ruth Moji Obasa
Thanks i was in an abusive marriage, i ended it not, ashamed although it cost me my opportunity at the University of Oxford
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BB
Waooo
Thank you woman of God
This is eye opener
Many people including me are in the same mess
But thank God I have set the record straight in my marriage and am free indeed