It’s never pretty when you leave an abusive and controlling relationship. The warden always protests when the prison gets shut-down.

Steve Maraboli


Abusers would use you and replace you instantly without a conscience, being preoccupied with fantasies, lack of empathy and in need of admiration, Abusers come in many personality types, they pick their victims to torture them, then play the helpless victim. Predators are brilliant at playing the victim, but they cannot fool everyone. It is all a big game and something you don’t want to be a part of. Although having an unrealistic sense of superiority and a big appetite for more, they would try to include you out of desperation for their need of supplies. Accept with gratitude that their part in your story is over. You have absolutely no need for an abuser, no need to even respond to one “keep moving on”.

They love projecting and are extremely good at coating lies, sending mixed messages and pretending. All the drama will be a waste of time, you cannot afford to keep a relationship with a deceptive character, and the unfortunate truth is the person you are hoping for does not exist.

Predators cannot co-parent and would do everything to portray you as a bad parent, even when they were never in the life of their children. I thank God my children are now adults. It is a little too late.

It is disturbing to deal with someone who has no conscience, who is capable of committing treacherous acts and can behave like everything is completely cool while behind closed doors, plots are set in motion using the muscle of organisations to parade conflicting stories to continue the cycle of use and dump. Forget about feeling sorry for yourself; now is the time to stand firm and move on with your life.

Take a stand to have value and respect for your self. Someone who has enjoyed neglecting, replacing, using, mistreating or disrespecting you, ignore your feelings and decisions for years or decades is not worth your time any longer. You will be amazed at how life-changing the steady flow of peace would restore your heart when you make that decision to leave a toxic relationship.

Abuse affects your self-esteem; however, you can build your confidence back by empowering and loving yourself. When you love yourself and walk away from abuse, you would regain peace, joy, strength and a good quality of life irrespective of tantrums covered with deception pulled by the abuser. The relationship if there was ever any was too toxic to survive without the power of God to protect you.


I believe the best service to the child is the service closest to the child, and children who are victims of neglect, abuse, or abandonment must not also be victims of bureaucracy. They deserve our devoted attention, not our divided attention.

Kunny Guinn


Thank you for this, it's simply treating others the same way one wishes to be treated. Liberty entails love and mutual respect and the premium one placed on human lives. May the lord guide us.
Thank you for this platform. Indeed we must address abuse in churches, not just Catholic Church. Why are the leading wives turning the other cheek while their husbands abuse young ladies. A Pastor touches a member inappropriately and is hailed as anointed. Girls are made to labour in the sun in the name of soul winning. Can parents please watch their daughters in these churches.
Why do Christians speak of love yet abuse each other. The sexual harassment in churches by Pastoes, young ladies fondled and mangled for life. Till there is justice for these harassed women in the church, we can't speak of building a happier world with love.
This is so true.Being a victim of abuse myself was married to a monster who I ended up divorcing in 2011.He was abusive emotional,verbally,financially and physically he will even go to an extent of sleeping with me by force which ended up in me conceiving 3 of the four children because,he will even go unto an extent of throwing away my contraceptive pills.I hated myself every time I slept with him.He then started to bring his girlfriends whom he will also assault me with them. They will sleep in my bed even during my presence.I have divorced him but still he is after my peace.As we speak he went and open a case for me in court and influence the 3 of my four kids with him.That when social workers ask them if they want to stay with me or not.Kids listened to him and said they want to go with him.How on earth can a drunkard and a fornicate can stay with kids of under 18 and who are girls.As I speak kids were now taken away from Him to a place of safety.Because they find him unfit to be a parent now he has destroyed my character as I am not a responsible mother.I raised those kids alone while he was busy galavating with different women and he even moved put of the house we used to share.I filed for divorce.As O speak he has been suspended from work due to sexual harassment case most women are coming out against him.Now he saw that am at peace living with my children now he want to make my life miserable.I am a child of God and I don't deserve all this nonsense he is creating for me.Next week Thursday am appear g to court all because of his wickedness. I have tried to move on with my life.Now he come back to mess up my life.He does not have dis inline and order in his life.I wish God's judgement to be upon him.I have suffered enough in the hands of this evil man.
darey olushina
my question really is, why did it take you so long to come out of the abuse and especially the fact that alot of things are made up like false miracles and the rest, people falling under fake anointing when infact they are all being part of the con artist game, i really would love to have your take on this, i suspect this will not be approved to go live on blog, but can you kindly reply my email, love you much pastor anita, thnaks
Wow, so aptly described Pastor Anita, thank you. I was in a similar situation until God opened my eyes to show me the truth that....."it is not my fault". Some people enjoy displaying narcissistic personalities & I don't have to live with them & be a victim. I chose to get out & get divorced, but it took me six years to get out (I'm not proud of it). Such environment are not conducive to raise Children as they may grow up, thinking that it's okay to behave as such to others. I have zero regret about my divorce & wonder why it took me so long to realise the truth & get this person out of my life. I have regained my peace, joy, strength and a good quality of life. My Children are happier now too, as I'm a better Mother to them. I thank God everyday for saving us from that hellish situation & for giving me the strength to walk away. By sharing my story, I hope this helps someone today. Please understand that you cannot change anybody. The only person you can change is yourself. You are somebody, a child of the most high God. Your life & health matters. You are important. You are somebody. Your opinion matters. You deserve respect. Yes, you may make mistakes, but who doesn't, isn't that part of why Jesus died to save us all, then gave us the Holy Ghost to continue to help us? You are perfection in progress, please do not let anyone put you down again. You are worth Christ dying on the cross for. You are worth it! When you have peace of mind, you'll become wiser at managing whatever income you have & you'll do it quietly & peacefully, no drama. Before long, you'll realise that you're missing nothing & living better & healthier than before.
Thank you Pastor Anita for providing this opportunity to us. May God continue to bless and prosper you in Jesus name, amen!
Akin O
Hmmm interesting revelations. May God Almighty help us to see and walk away from abuse and abusers
Is this from experience?
Mobola King
Wow! Absolutely spot on!
In response to Darey Olushina

Manipulation: Generally, manipulation is indirect influence on someone to behave in a way that furthers the goals of the manipulator. Often, it expresses covert aggression. Think of a “wolf in sheep’s clothing.” On the surface, the words seem harmless – even complimentary; but underneath you feel demeaned or sense a hostile intent.
Read about narcissistic abuse.
God bless
Prophetess Ruth Moji Obasa
Thanks i was in an abusive marriage, i ended it not, ashamed although it cost me my opportunity at the University of Oxford
Thank you woman of God
This is eye opener
Many people including me are in the same mess
But thank God I have set the record straight in my marriage and am free indeed
The MOST PAINFUL THING in life is to be REPLACED. All I can say is..#GodForbid #GodForbid #GodForbid
I am of the view so much happened behind closed doors we don't know about;as u mentioned years to decade. Why waited so long to come out? besides we are of faith the decision we take ask? God's opinion and the holy spirit opinion?. Unless if we are of the world then walking away seems to be the best possible option at any given time.. if truly JESUS is involved why do we ignore him now? This I say many marriages/relationship have weaknesses. . As I write/type I can relate but if walk away it means I have ignored Jesus as a solution to all problems.
Thank you so much for sharing your story. I am married to a pastor too ( Finalizing our divorce in court tomorrow) and he was abusive as well to a point where he became physically abusive. I am leaving him now with no regret and believing that it was a path that I had to go through in my journey of life. I am a victor and I can only become strong after this like a diamond that must be polished to look better and shine better. I look forward to my new life with my 2 kids and can't wait for what God has in store for me. Jesus is still the Lord of my life and forward we are going... God bless
Deep thoughts
Adejoke Silver
You know for many years , a lot of us suffered in silence. we were too young to even realize we were being manipulated . I remember how a bus will be sent to us in school to transport us several kilometers to Lagos . we can be about 30 in number sometimes. we are put in this big office with no furniture's but just stacks of cartons filled with thousands of books . we are locked in and told to laminate the books using soldering iron . many times we are in that office for days without having our baths. they bring lunch and dinner (bread, sardine and coke) for us to eat .That is generally our meal for days . Many of us loose hold of our academics . many never end up graduating from school . I always ask myself when the bus drops us off " doesn't the president of this minstry realize that we were taken from school , away from our academics? why does he feel so comfortable seeing students that were supposed to be in school locked up as cheap laborers in the offices laminating and sealing devotional books . I have a number of friends who presently work at the headquarter of the church but they never graduated from school .

The manipulation continues and grows as they observe you mature . " you cant go into a relationship" , you are not supposed to bring someone to your father to say you want to marry the person , its the father that gives a daughter in marriage" , " you should not be distracted with the desire to marriage , ministry and service to God should be paramount"

You know what , I feel sorry for parents that are so unconnected with there children and assume there children are with one caring pastor outside just because the pastor bought the children a car or sends Christmas gift to the parents. many of this pastors are sexual predators, they have totally messed up the mind and thinking of your child without you knowing . Many who were children then are now in there forties , still carrying camera and parading around in high heel shoe. no husband , no child , no home , no investment , absolute nothing .
the worse of it all is that he has now told them to leave Facebook , WhatsApp and all forms of social media . he said those platforms are sponsored by the devil . So it is almost impossible to reach your friends and your children. They are trapped .

I am pained but I have a question for Pastor Anita . all the while these atrocities were brooding and increasing , many tried to reach out to you but you turned your face away like you didn't see it . I know you were trying to keep your marriage and make your man happy but at what expense was this . at the expense of destruction of lives , raping of young ladies and several abortions around . Pastor why did you turn your eyes away ?

Adejoke Silver

Ifeoma Nnadozie
This is my story
Lady Joy Favored
Abuse is real in marriage. A lot of people are afraid of what the society will say. Whenever you have the capacity and Zeal to leave an abuser, don't delay. God never intended for us to be abused, he rather wants us to be loved. Anything that operates outside live is evil and not of God.
Titi Layo Mi.
Insightful! piece here. I can totally relate with the experience. Thank God for taking me out of that nasty situation.
Chioma Okpara
Wow! This says it all about a manipulator, who abuses and decive everyone, yes, they pretend but time will find them out, they will mever go scot free, but will find out, what an amazjng thing to ckmd out of abusive relationship is a grrat joy to say no to a manipulator and deciver
Truly when someone doesn’t know then it's up to other people that they will help, so here it happens.
Walk away, run. Abusive life will eventually kill you. Run as fast as you can. Thank you to God to give you strength to recognise the abuse and run.
Great, I left an abusive marriage 7 years ago. I am better for it now. Met an incredible Man who has had the same experience with me isn't Good goo?
Gosh!. In same situation right now and I need to talk to someone. Please ma'am, reach out if you can
Thanks so much for this Pastor, God bless you
How can I say "I love you" a million times?
I want to say it till forever.
My heart is so happy that you finally found foot to leave. No matter how long it took. Lives have been destroyed,a lot of water has gone under the bridge but, God is full of mercy. He can heal and restore.
Narcissists and other abusers will abuse you and blame you for that abuse, so it's always good to go "no contact" with them. Thanks pastor Anita
Narcissism is now rife, especially in Pentecostal Churches - hence we see scandals in big Churches like Hillsongs - please people watch the American Gospel documentary if you haven't - it shed's light on this. Pastors in these churches are always praised - treated as 'man of God' given a higher status than others - "we all all sons and daughters of God" - they have taken the"do My prophets no harm scripture too far" - forgetting there are false prophets - and a lot of them in these last days. Abuse in the Church is a real thing -even abuse of Church members - its really hard to imagine the abuse Pastor's wives endure.