A SILENT CRY


“Abuse is a parasite that feeds off hate and shame, growing in size and strength with silence.”

Nikki

Some people will never be able to understand the level of trauma faced by a victim of abuse. Abuse is a silent way to destroy a life, and if unchecked, can continue till the victim is forced to take his or her life. It is also not restricted to any gender as both the abuser and victim can be either male or female.There are typically two types of abuse - physical and emotional. Physical abuse is easier to identify because it usually leaves visible scars. Sometimes, though the scars can be seen, the victims, when asked, would claim they fell down or had an accident to avoid embarrassment.

The scars from emotional abuse may not be visible but they reveal themselves in other ways and can quickly become apparent especially to those who genuinely care about the victim and can see that something is definitely wrong. Victims of abuse suffer in silence which can eventually lead to their death.Abuse thrives in silence; it is like a feast where the abuser can do what he/she likes because if they are confronted, they would simply deny it unless there is irrefutable evidence to prove their guilt or he/she is caught red-handed.

Let me share a scenario with you - a child, whom we will call Mary, was sexually abused by her father from the age of seven till she became a teenager. He convinced her not to tell anyone and so she kept it secret from everybody including her mother. At this point, I’m sure we are already asking the usual questions - why did she keep it from her mother? How did it go on for so long with no one found out? Why didn’t she scream for help when he came to her? she looked like a happy normal child, so when did this abuse take place and how?

After this had gone on for a while, Mary summoned the courage to tell her mother about the abuse. But to her horror, her mother, rebuked her immediately, saying it was better that her husband was not promiscuous; choosing only to sleep with his daughter instead of having affairs with other women. Her mother, in turn, warned Marynever to mention it to anybody and so she continued to suffer in silence.

A year later, Mary became fed up with life. Feeling used and dirty, she opened up to her teacher; a strict man, who also seemed respectable and hard-working. He always appeared caring and was constantly encouraging students to focus on their academics. As she unburdened herself to him, he showed concern and interest in her welfare. Unfortunately, before long, he too started touching her in the wrong places and eventually took advantage of her. At this stage, Mary had gotten to her breaking point. She no longer had anywhere to go as both school and her home had become a dreadful experiences for her. At her wit’s end, she turned to her best friend, a female student this time, and confided in her.

Her friend was scared and advised Mary to keep the whole thing quiet because if it got to the principal, it would cause a huge scandal and the teacher would lose his job in disgrace, not to mention the stigma that would be left on Mary. Instead, she offered to take Mary home and introduce her to her family; perhaps that way, she could have the benefit of a loving home and a haven.

When her friend told her brothers about Mary, they were fascinated by her story. They decided to take her under their wing and introduce her to their peers because they thought that she could have more friends and in turn, introduce them to a new world of experiences.

Unfortunately, before long, they too took advantage of Mary, making a mockery of her pain. They have warned her that if she told anybody, they would expose her secret and she would be labelled a whore, thus convincing her that her abuse defined her.

Now Mary needs help! While it may be easy to say she should go and pray for help, think about what you would say or do if she were your daughter, sister, close friend or loved one – let me know what your reaction or counsel to her would be?

Please share your thoughts.

Comments

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John
I know there is a price to pay in heaven but this kind of abusers need to be kept away from humanity and the safest place would be in jail so they do not go further to harm others. Best thing for her is to tell the authorities. In developed countries her identify would be hidden and there would be an investigation and those found guilty would be jailed. The main issue would be the healing process which would be to seek God and to know that human beings are not God. She should learn to trust in God as people have the tendency to fail. I have long time learnt to trust only in God. You can imagine the most person she could trust- her dad disappointed her. Even her mum disappointed her, it could even be her pastors, best friends or relations. ONLY PUT YOUR TRUST IN GOD.
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jennifer Esohe
Thank you pastor for sharing this blog with us. This is very heart breaking, the reality that's the world we live in. There is no amouth of advise that can heal this level of betrayal and stigma . Human love is feakle only the love of Jesus can truly heal such wounds. I am not the most faithful Christian but I know one thing only the love of Jesus can heal the deepest wounds. No matter what laws come against all who have hurt her including her father, it cannot give her back what has been stolen from her. What she needs is healing, both emotional, psychological and physical healing. The word of God has cleansing power. Sing psalms to God and worship God that way healing will be taking place in your spirit before long even when she remembers the past . the power to affect or hurt her again would be lost. There is no impossibility with God. When the lord turned again our captivity, we were like them that dream
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sally
I think first & foremost she should accept what has happened. She shouldn't live in denial which is what most people do. In trying to block out the pain, they deny the existence of their problems. It happened to her and it's OK. She should realize it wasn't her fault it happened, she shouldnt judge herself based on what happened to her. The devil will try to make her think its all her fault and she's a terrible person but No. It isnt her. The terrible/evil people are those who abused her. She should realize that. Then, she should forgive herself and her abusers completely (its hard but can be achieved with baby steps). Then, listen to testomines of people who've been through similar situations & came out triumphant (Joyce Meyer, Paula White, so many more....) She needs to know she's not alone in this, many people have been through the abuse. Finally, she must realize that God LOOOOVEEESSS her completely, accepts hert TOTALLYYYY and wants her COMPLETELYYYY!!....It is well with her, God bless her soul
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Grace
How will you give Mary the love from our lord Jesus? The answer is in luke 10:25-37. While mary needs a word from Christ, she equally needs help: she needs a home, physical care. Remember she is a teen been abused and this suggests that its beyond her control. Its an abuse not a wilful venture she dabbled into in search for wild pleasure. she can't say no and stand her ground, she can't resist her father or friend's siblings and other friends and still be in their umbrella of provision and "care". So she needs other kinds of help apart from just receiving God's word, she needs material care, counselling sessions to reassure her of her self worth. She needs emotional treatment, that's what the counsellors or psychologists do. She needs for her education to continue out side her usual domicile. If the person, church or group who is going to be giving her the word has a means of helping her come out of such environment fine. And don't tell me the father will quietly and peacefully want to let her go. Off course whoever that is giving this help must be ready for legal actions. Getting welfare people involved, getting the police statement, and so on. Mary must be reassured that actions would be taken and that every thing will be alright for her to agree to testify against her father in court if need be. This is the reason organisations that handle such cases are established, they have legal backing under human right or child law. This is equally the reason as children of God, we need to be well equipped in every dimension necessary to be able to help the 'broken images of God' in the society. Preaching or teaching or praying isn't just enough. We need to put structures on ground to cater for these kinds of people, I don't mean the one we do just to get funding in order to enrich our selves and working below capacity.
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Joy
Good day Pastor, what an awful situation! Sadly this happens everywhere and not just to young girls but boys as well. Its so upsetting that lecherous, perverted and horrible people are walking around without anyone knowing the evil they perpetuate. In Mary's case, its so sad that her Father who should be her hero is such a sick person; the people she turned to for help all took advantage of her and her Mother obviously has emotional problems as well to say such a thing to her daughter. In the Western world, it may be easier for her to seek help from various organizations, women shelters and even receive legal help in this matter, if it is in Africa, it may probably be a bit more difficult. She would need to be physically removed from this situation that includes her home, school and so called group of friends, she would need lots of counselling, a lot of love, especially the love of God; practical Bible based teaching from women like Joyce Meyer would help. Gosh its just so sad...
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Ahmed Otegwu
I feel troubled when I hear something like this. The fact's this thing goes on everyday around us irrespective of civilization. For me, I think we are all here because we have like minds as regard this issue, the best thing we should do now is to rise in unison and, condemn in strong terms and follow suit with notable actions, by this, the peperators of this devilish act will on the one come to understand the likely result of such crime being uncovered and the abused will on the other hand be encourage to report to the appropiate and relevant bodies-govt. and nongovtal. organisations. Above all, GOD is our strength. Thank you for this opportunity!
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Noreen
Loving the blog alreadythank you pastor Anita, Mary's situation is sad but unfortunately becoming a very common occurrence now with blended families and people finally speaking out. Mary first and foremost needs the right help and counselling to be able to start that journey of recovery.However she needs to learn not trust so easily once,twice is bad enough but thrice.Joyce Meyer was abused by her father and it affected her for so long until she finally had the courage to face her father and forgive him,then she finally found that inner peace and is now able to do the work God has called her to do.It takes a lot of time and courage of course (one of the easier said than done scenarios) but if you don't forgive you are letting your tormentor win,you are allowing the devil live rent free in your mind,your tormentor has probably forgotten about it and is sleeping peacefully and here you are being too hard on yourself.We can say all we can,even get Mary all the counselling she needs but Christ is the ultimate healer,he is the solid rock on which to build any house and I pray Mary gets the opportunity to get to know Christ.#ChristthesolidrockIstand#
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Louis Ovonlen
Christian i truly appreciate your advice of her seeking help, especially from a spiritual point of view. My only concern is the use of "illicit affairs" as the descriptive for this as it wholly misrepresents what it is. Please it is ABUSE, not an affair of any sort as this has a totally different connotation and inference.
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Sophia O
Phew! I empathize with the Mary. She has been a victim and would need counselling amongst many other things to recover and discover herself. From the details of the story, it is clear, she desires to come out of this mess. I believe she needs outside help. If she lives in a place where there are trusted organisations that can help her, she should go for it. Saying that, I will like to comment on the previous post about 'dead knowledge' and looking unto to Jesus. There is nothing wrong with looking unto Jesus. Bottom line is, the girl needs help, she needs a trusted guide (including a guide to Jesus!). Please don't sound dismissive. Don't lay off people's personal experiences which are real. The fact that it has never happened to you or close to you does not make it less valid. If you have access to someone like this, you ought to walk in love to help her out of this quagmire. I would advise Mary to seek help in a shelter if possible. There are a number of places around where you can get genuine help outside of this kind of home/environment. At some point in her healing process, I will encourage her to speak up, so she can help others. Thank you Pastor Anita for sharing. It was heart wrenching to read. xxx
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Mrs
But that's not the end of the world. .but if one knows the Lord and seek an answer from God there will be a turn around. And that is not enough to end your life for...Also if we say we are born again how can abuse be something that will now over come our life and refer us useless..it just a trick from the devil to mess with our brain...please pastor I do not see this topic as something someone from you should post and confuse many believers to start thinking otherwise..Please
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Pst Iyke
Good afternoon pastor, what a very sad story and a wicked world. Just a bit of help with those responding, some people have made mention of YMCA and women shelter group and all of these are organisation that can help women in such situation in the western world, while we try to give our advise don't forget people that could be in such situation in Africa where such organisation do not exist or are in effective even the law enforcement agency in such African countries in most cases will /can not even help. Bearing the above in mind, I will support the victim in question to report the case to a law enforcement agency and seek a legal redress for her depending on the place or country or abuse, if here in Europe then it's easier to find help hence straight away I will inform the law enforcement agencies who in turn will investigate and refer her to organisations than can help her and the pray for her and share Gods word with her in the light of forgiving herself first and then the perpetrator and encourage her to look ahead and never back to the past. Reference Joyce Meyer.. Thank you pastor
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Christian
Pastor, this is an unfortunate situation to be in. And it's most unfortunate that the father that supposed to be her refuge started the abuse. My advise to her - She should stop the illicit affairs with the dad and others no matter their threat. She should meet her Pastor or any leader she can trust for help... If the Pastor or the leader failed her or want also to take advantage of her, she should leave him/her and continue searching for true help until she sees. I believe there are people out there that will really help her overcome her past and feel loved.
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T.C.
These words sound unreal but it is REAL. First off, I will give her the first real hug of her young life. Then give her a shoulder for the dam of tears that will flow. Afterwards, I will speak to her about the possibility of a BRAND NEW LIFE. There are organisations like YWCA that help women. I will use my influence, no matter how little, to get her the help and support she needs.
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Solomon
This is Amazing but real. I have seen someone it happened to during an NGO mission. First, she needs a completely new environment. This lady is the reason for women shelters around. She needs help from well meaning people who will fund her new life till at least high school graduation. She needs daily counselling whereby she is made to see her place and worth in life. Hmmm. Words fail me.
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Ferry
I would direct her to Jesus and His finished work on the cross..There was a similar situation in the bible, a woman who had been abused sexually until she couldn't stay in one marriage but the Lord Jesus said "whoever drinks the water I give him will never thirst" Indeed, the water I give him will become in him a spring of water welling up to eternal life’” (John 4:13–14; cf. John 14:6)." the abused woman needed water from our LORD so does Mary!!! God hates abuse not the Abuser or the abused...But the flow from His son Jesus takes away guilt and condemnation and leaves us with an unending springs of joy...I will give Mary a focus which is the love from our Lord Jesus..Reading scriptures to her everyday about Jesus...For the word of God is inspired by the Holy Spirit...Mary doesn't need dead knowledge from motivational speakers or psychologists who wouldn't point her to Jesus. The love from our Savior will take away her miserable past experience and leave her with Grace, Love and Peace. I've seen people with worst situations but when they kept their gaze on Christ finished work on the cross, the result is amazing!!!! thanks Ma Anita I love you so much
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David
The best thing to do in such situation is to develop what I called self confidence and train yourself not to be a prey to anyone anymore. For example if you find yourself in a jungle do you keep yourself carelessly knowing that you can be killed by a wild animal. When people know that you are unbreakable they won't even try to hurt you anymore. As a man I was into abusive relationship with a Christian sister for four years, I almost committed suicide but Thank God am still alive.
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ajike
Brief but well said. Often times are silence is our greatest alibi for our abuser
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Zee
This is touching as impossible as it seems, it does happen the question is how many really get help. well if she comes to me First thing is for her to break away from all those who have victimized her and recommend her to organizations into such ministry for her to get help. second is God he has a place in everyone and can heal every wound, Joyce Meyer an example. third is for her to forgive and move on to build a great life to bless others. Thank u pastor I love you and thank u for being a blessing.
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Zee
This is touching as impossible as it seems, it does happen the question is how many really get help. well if she comes to me First thing is for her to break away from all those who have victimized her and recommend her to organizations into such ministry for her to get help. second is God he has a place in everyone and can heal every wound, Joyce Meyer an example. third is for her to forgive and move on to build a great life to bless others. Thank u pastor I love you and thank u for being a blessing.
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ajike
Mary is in a difficult situation, because her experience has taught her that her body is to pleasure other pple. Abused people who don't get help will abuse themselves and others. What we don't even realise is that Mary is now convinced that here's something about her that makes people want her for sexual pleasure, it's an error that needs to be corrected. It's so sad for someone to lose their identity well before they found it. The bigger problem is way too many people are living their lives by other people's errors caused by other people"s errors and so on. It's a wicked world but we the church are the light Of the world. We are supposed to have the best preffionals spiritually and otherwise so that we can change a hurting world. It's no longer enough to preach at people. Just as preaching at myself may not be enough Mary needs a new environment, professional help in and outside church. Thank you Pst Anita
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Yomi
Mary needs to cry out and let the whole world hear her pains. That is the only way that vicious cycle of abuse can be broken.
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Patricia
Thank you Pastor Anita for this heart touching article. From the story outline ,it is a very difficult situation but I think the best solution to Mary's situation is to talk about her experience to any one who truly cares so that these perpetrators could be exposed for their wrong doing, therefore avoiding others to fall victim to them. I think Mary should also find a new environment, make new friends and put past memories out of her mind as there a still a few good people in a perverse world of evil.
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Love
Mary should have gone directly to the police when the mother did not help. both parents and sick. We should pray for them but use wisdom and keep them away from other innocent people while they are being delivered.
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Pastor Ashie, UK
Hellow Pastor Anita, Ma; It is nice to see you here, I have always admired your graceful charisma. Pastor, ma, From my experience dealing with victims of abuse/trust, the best way to go about a case like Mary's will be to introduce a network of professionals (not more than 3 or 4). If it happened Mary came to me for advise, given she has gone from one person to another and her trust has been breached over and over again, it will be better to introduce her to another Pastor friend and also one or two from "outside" as a professional counsellor (like Citizen Bureau or Samaritans). I will do this with her consent and also to SAFEGUARD her well being, and I think that's what her teacher and her friend failed to do, because If one person decides to SINGLE-HANDEDLY provide her with help/therapy s/he will still be susceptible to abuse because there will be no "a third voice" to ensure abuse doesn't continue. In Summary, I would make more emphasis in making sure there is "supportive network" of people so that to halt the chain/continuity of mistrust/abuse. God bless you and I trust you are keeping well.
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samuel
Abuse dehumaning and had been fought against throughout history even God frowns on it that's why he tells us to love as there's no greater love than this that a man should lay down his life for his friends.no if we can attain such love we won't wanna abuse our fellows. Again I dare to say if we preach one thing and do another that makes us liars because Jesus said that our lights should so shine ...that the world would see us and glorify our heavenly father. He wants our lives and not our preaching to be an example to the world. In a setting of lies and half truths that depicts something else and it's so disheartening but I pray that the church of Jesus Christ will continually march on and the gates of hell will never prevail against her.
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Kgabo
Painful story. How do you restore hope to someone who is in this kind of pain? I'm out of words. I know God is the healer, but at what level is Mary's knowledge of God? It will help if she believes and knows that there is a way through God. From here, she can take one day at a time towards her healing through the word of God and professional care and support.
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Ferry
Didn't you read that Christ is all we need? Mary can equally be abused by welfare people and even the police. Assurance of arrest and prosecution does not bring true satisfaction...Her abuse tells you the limitation of man..Please come again!! do you know the word of God created the whole world? why go after the creatures when you have the creator Himself our Lord and savior Jesus!! Sis When you look to Jesus all your abusive trauma will turn around to be a testimony..When you will look to Jesus you will forget about the Past cos His love can not be quantified. It doesn't matter your age even if you're a baby..He(Jesus) is the embodiment of all knowledge and wisdom, the hope of this world..He's all in all. Learn to focus on Jesus and everything else will be added..Shalom Shalom.
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Sharon
Thank you for sharing this story Ma!!,,I am wondering, and asking myself many questions. If Mary had come to me, what would i do?, is my heart pure and full of the Love of Jesus?, would she see Jesus in me ( as His ambassador)?, will she be able to drink from me? will i be able to embrace her and walk with her through that dark phase of her life? can she trust me? do i have the time and the patience to listen to her? will i keep my mouth shut and not judge her? Jesus said, Go into all the world and make disciples, am i serious about that call? The church should be the only place where any broken heart or soul is mend and restored through the ministry of the Word, Love and Compassion, but many people, even those in the church are suffering in silence, because most of the time we the church is focusing on quantity and not quality. Bottom line is, healing and restoration and Love should be found in the church of Christ Jesus for Mary, my problem is, WILL SHE FIND IT THERE??
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Victor
She should talk to a Pastor of her church, preferably the Pastor to her own father who started the abuse in the first case.
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Bibi
The insight is understanding the abuse, the strength is overcoming the abuse.. Most of us refuse to accept we are being abused, while those around us, merely look away. For a non believer like me, prayers are non starters.. Be wary of those who tell you it is the word of any god to be subservient or to follow any leader... Life is a journey and make sure you enjoy you own journey to the Max..
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JD Ikechukwu
Thank you so much Pastor for this article. I love you Ma and will be visiting your blog regularly. How do I subscribe ?
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David
Over the years I thought as a Christian that the main thing the devil is after in the body of Christ is our finances, but I was wrong. The devil is after the first love which we have among us, the Bible calls it the love of Christ. It is the glue that binds our Christian faith together. No wonder many among us have lost it and we treat a fellow Christian with wicked and unrepented heart. May God send his revival quickly. Jesus said when come will I find faith on earth?. Thank you so much pastor Anita for your labour of love and truly God will never forget it. Also I ask every believer who are sending in his or her post to Please remember Pastor Anita in our prayers, so that she will fulfill her God given purpose and destiny without hindrance. May God's spirit keep you in his love always Amen.
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vera
Comment our trust n hope shld be in God alone n live wit a husband as a mere human dat can change at any time. wit our heart guided to aviod it breaking n looking unto JESUS, we are sure to arrive well. don't expect too much fr a man rather God.
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David
Am also looking forward the moment this forum will move to mobile application so that we can get instant alert of your post ma. May God's spirit and power protect you always in Jesus name Amen.
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Chinenye
Last 3 years, I got involved with a girl with almost exact scenario. She was consistently being sexually abused by her father including her younger sisters even with their mother's knowledge. Then I was working with an NGO and was teaching young girls how to use video making to tell their stories. I was shocked beyond words when this girl told me her story privately. I had to talk to my Executive Director and we brought in her mother and sisters for a chat. When we were absolutely convinced that it was true, we referred them to another NGO working directly on that area - Media Concerns in Nigeria. We had series of meetings with them, raised funds and moved the woman and children out of the house and the man was finally sent to jail. It wasn't as simple as I said it. It came with great challenges from different quarters and at every point, we would ask the girl and mother, if they were still willing to go all the way? They understood the consequences and had to sign some documents for us to get involved. Truth is this- you can't fight abuse without support. It thrives in silence and the first break out is to damn other assumed consequences and break the silence. Help follows when you speak out based on your convictions that enough is enough! If Mary is in Nigeria, I would refer her to Media Concerns. She needs professional help.
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precious
indeed only God is to be trusted. It is only Mary that can Liberate her self from her captivity. Let her take the bold steps of shouting it to the world. That is the only way to put the devil to shame.
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nannymcphee
I'm a realist and not an idealist. Yes, there is room for prayer but what Mary needs is a professional help(counselors who have been trained to handle such cases) Ideally a pastor ought to be able to handle every issue(because they are being led of God) but human nature and limitation has proven it not to be so. i wrote all of this because of some comments asking a pastor to handle Mary's Case In Exodus 18:14-24, Moses's father Inlaw advised Moses on setting up an elders council to attend to issues arising this is akin to pastor seeking professional help, after all Moses could hear directly from God, so why didn't God give tell him. Mary's father ought to be prosecuted, so that others will not fall prey to him. Not that this will help Mary(she needs healing and not closure) My counsel to Mary is 1. To seek professional help(in order for her not to commit suicide or become an abuser herself or a drug addict) 2.She shouldn't lose hope in humanity(there are still good folks around her)
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Ulu C.
Great idea Victor! However, what if her father's pastor suppresses & buries the report because he/she doesn't want a scandal in his/her church being that her father is a respected & honoured leader in the church community.
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deji
She has nothing to lose again. She should tell the world her story, so that she can be helped and the perpetrators brought to justice including her father.
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Ulu C.
It would be really difficult to counsel someone with Mary's experience except that person has been through a similar experience and overcame because at this point in Mary's life, she would have lost all trust for people (Christians & Non-Christians). What I would do for her is to contact professional groups that are trained and registered with the government that handle issues of violence against women to meet with her. The group would ensure the abuse is stopped & the abusers punished by the law. Then, she may choose a humble female pastor full of love & grace (like Pastor Anita) to begin the healing process with the Word & presence of God.
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JYM,Nigeria
It's so true that many suffer in silence. In most cases, I think it's the fear of the unknown that keeps them quiet. It's such a touching story. My advice to Mary would be to get away to a place where she can recover and heal. God wants her to prosper -spirit,soul(seat of emotions) and body. The word of God will do that and also following with the right people. However, I believe it's also important we are sensitive to the situation of those around us. As it's said "be your brothers keeper". Let's not be blind and deaf to the obvious things that happen around us. The bible says, ... evil prevails when the good seat back, fold their hands and watch(paraphrase,mine! ). We must speak out and reach out.....thank you Pst for sharing this article . I love you so much.
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Janet
This is really a touching story. Chinenye you seems to be forgetting something that in Nigeria abuses are never takien seriously both by the society and government agencies. I was abused for ten years of my life and when I tried to open up by visiting the Lagos State Government agencies that fights abuses against women and children, I got no help. This is because the workers and lawyers that were assigned to my case where expecting some bribes from me. This happens every day and evry where in Nigeria. If I could afford a lawyer, I would have go ahead to look for help myself. Going to theolice station too would not help because instead to assisting you, they take mockery of your situation. Presently, I am still hoping to get help as it had been the grace of God that has sustained me up to this moment. God bless you Pastor Anita, your blog has really helped me in getting my happiness back.
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Solomon
Dear Chineye, your efforts are encouraging. Hard to find such commitment.
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David
I always tell most women to learn to be come independent in every way, you see abuser are more active on those who are not independent, when they notice that your life is totally dependent on them they have more reasons to hurt you. Been independent is not only on finances but also in everything, it could be emotional, purpose etc. Don't let your joy and your happiness always come from people around you, do you know why?, because man is fallible and that can happen anytime. When your abuser notice that all your world is surrounding him or her then he has more reason time keep abusing you. Focus on Jesus the author and finisher of your faith.
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Sarah pender
I don't believe telling a male pastor is a good idea because at end of the day the pastor will take side with father, trust me . I was in a similar situation with my ex husband , domestic violence , I confided in my pastor at the end my own pastor took sides with my ex husband ,who wasn't a member of his church in the first place.I left the church and filed for divorce. There are better laws protecting victims of domestic violence in the US it worked in my favour. More advocates need to rise up in Nigeria against domestic violence
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Chinenye
So sorry Janet, am just seeing this. If you are in Nigeria, please go to Media Concern Initiatives. You will get help. I mean from counselling to practical help. Google the address. If you need more help from me, don't hesitate to ask. It is well.
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Rosalyn
Yes pastor the blog on mary's abuse is metaphoric as same applies in marriages For instance as christains and most especially if one is up there on the pedal stool he or she is muzzled not to say anything because the church or pastor will loose their respect BUT what they forgot to address is how does God see it Should people continue to worship man or abide to the word of God Those who muzzle abused people and get away with it now must surely reap their wickedness at some point in life God is giving them time to repent There is a well known preacher who said he use to be wicked as a child and now he is no longer wicked ???? I believe the wickedness is still in him big time despite all the deceits If not how can such a man shut his trap as he says and abandon his wife who is flesh to his flesh and bone to his bone . Especially the wife that God had brought his way to help him build the ministry internationally He has led many followers astray and destroyed many other marriages in his congregation some ending up in divorce children gone astray because of absent father head in the home Some "marriages "are just a show no love. Wives are seen as second class citizens Very pathetic I think he has a case to answer before God almighty who is the judge Pastor Anita Jesus Loves you and you are doing a great job The best is yet to come
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Ola
It's a very dicey one but putting my daughters sanity and welfare first would probably make me do the extra-ordinary if the usual sdoesn't work - which in this case would mean, exposing the abuser; regardless of who they are. The usual would be praying for him and confronting him thereafater. Since in this story, Mary is being originally abused by her father. My first step as a mother would be to talk to him; confront the situation one-to-one. If this does not yield a desirable result, i would secure a safe haven for my daughter; send her away to a sister i trust and then take the matter to the family. It is a taboo in must cultures so he'd face the purnishment for this. If this doesn't work then i'd take it to court.
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Ifeanyi
most unfortumate, in this age and time the social network is there. she must seek out institutions several of them abound to give vent to her pain,
D
Dora
Please Janet I worked here for a year and I know that they will respond. They handle cases of women and children that have been abused. Call any of these numbers 08023331036, 08058207164, 08099522487
A
ann
I would seek out in my local church a deaconess or mother of the church. whom I trust and feel safe. I would share my story and what had happen when she had told others. Hopefully, The person she had shared her story with help her file a child abuse report, restraining order order or police report against all guilty parties. Shame on them!
F
Frank Bliss
Its so pathetic to hear such. She should approach a female human activist or an NGO involved with Hyman right advocacy, or a human rights court nearest to her. This would help. I pray God to protect her
R
Ruth
Very touching but very true.that is why many people suffer or made victims because there is no one to trust.this happens more in the African community. Thank god for the church.were she can go and get help
A
Atindjahi
I like the story but I think the real issue is we all need Jesus. Mary may have felt a victim, but we have to know that the real enemy is not her father, brothers or teachers. There is a spiritual realm with forces that are against us. Mary just need to put her heart before the Lord and allows her heart to heal through the forgiveness of God, forgiveness of self and forgiveness of others.
J
Jimmy
Oh my.... what a painful experience that must be, she is obviously a very wounded person who will definitely have trust issues. For her to speak to anyone else after all these betrayals, and she has not done harmful things to herself, shows somewhere deep down she still has hope. With this in mind, i will show her the love of God through His Word and lead her to Christ. That is the only way her healing can start. After she has been filled with the Spirit of God and His Word, she can go to the police to report all the abusers so they can be brought to justice. The abuser's power lies in the victim's silence. this makes it necessary for them to be punished. I will also encourage her to be a part of a group where she can receive counseling to help her. I will always uphold her in prayer and continually let her know the Love of Christ is shed abroad in my heart
J
Jimmy
Oh my.... what a painful experience that must be, she is obviously a very wounded person who will definitely have trust issues. For her to speak to anyone else after all these betrayals, and she has not done harmful things to herself, shows somewhere deep down she still has hope. With this in mind, i will show her the love of God through His Word and lead her to Christ. That is the only way her healing can start. After she has been filled with the Spirit of God and His Word, she can go to the police to report all the abusers so they can be brought to justice. The abuser's power lies in the victim's silence. this makes it necessary for them to be punished. I will also encourage her to be a part of a group where she can receive counseling to help her. I will always uphold her in prayer and continually let her know the Love of Christ is shed abroad in my heart